No Man is an Island

“NO MAN IS AN ISLAND

”

I restore myself to be alone. It’s so lonely when I don’t even know myself. Language…has created the word “loneliness to express the pain of being “alone”.

What can I say about myself in the past; by the way I handled my life, my perceptions toward they so called “Life’s purpose”…While writing this, I find it Uneasy going back in an “old emotions”, the emotions which turned into like an abandoned house…

I could still remember the moments when I chose to be alone, when I had lots of friends searching for me just to be with them, to indulge my presence with them. But most of the time I wasn’t there. I used to watched movies at the mall alone, relaxed myself at my favorite fast-food, dine at my preferred coffee shop to untwined; I even spent my time watching Banda Mania alone for music is my “passion”. I dearly considered myself as a “loner”, got my own world. Maybe because I wanted to discover a lot of things within myself and I could definitely do whatever I wanted to do consistently. For all I know, by that, I would definitely know myself and be able to identify the weaknesses and strengths I had. “Being alone” I thought that would be the best way to seek the answers for my questions. Of knowing for who “I am”. Typically speaking, it was a stupidity thinking…

I deprived myself to enjoy with friends, to laugh and to cry with them, to have fun and traveled with them.

One of the most unforgettable moments I had being alone, first, when I went to one of the cities in Mindanao. It was my first time in that City, I’m nowhere to go, and I didn’t even know where I would stay for 2nights and 3days. It was really an unfamiliar place; I was 17years old by then. I didn’t know anyone else in that place. But fortunately, I knew God was with in me even before I left the City of Iloilo. I felt like I had a mission there. So, I stayed in a pension house right beside the mall. I strolled around the city, riding on a taxi, sight seeing, etc... I had fun, but then I felt being desolation and empty…a kind of emptiness that could kill my innermost part of my emotions and esp. my heart. When I was in a room, my tears fell down persistently. I realized a lot of things. I remembered my friends who have been there for me unconditionally, the times they used to called or text me to meet up with them, yes, I met up with the but not as always as they did when I was the one looking for company. Most of all, my thoughts was into my family. My parents didn’t know that trip, for they only knew that I was in the dormitory in Iloilo. I have done a stupid thing! I didn’t even care what would be their reactions when they would find out that I was in a far place (a danger place, as others said). Through that tip, I absolutely faced out my fears… I proved to myself that “I Can”. Going back in younger days, I always failed in decision-making, because the “fear” centered my plans.

I can’t also forget when I went to Boracay alone...3years ago before I celebrated my 18^th birthday (my debut) I decided to have an Island hopping in Boracay alone. My permission to my parents was, I would be with my cluster friends. They didn’t know it was my Island trip alone. When I was already there, I texted close friends, they were just amazed and said, “Why re you doing that trip alone? “Aren’t we important to you”? It made me stop and think, yeah “why do I have this trip alone when I could be with them much happier and enjoyable. I felt the emptiness, I was unhappy but despite of the emotions, I had fun there, an unexpected event in my life happened there, an amazing and an overwhelming day I have been waiting. I met my “true-love” in the Island. But it doesn’t stayed for long….because for me, that certain person is just a little part of my life’s journey though he became an important part of my heart and I couldn’t stand for that Love. I never stayed in relationships abidingly. Yes, I loved and been loved but then again, I considered my past relationships as a short-term affection. What matters to me is only myself, my own happiness nor just for my own benefits. “I’m selfish”. I admit, “I trust No One”, I stucked with my own world.

Then, one day, I woke up feeling so empty, unhappy,lonely and worst, I got no friends to talk to; because they rest assured that I don’t need them. All I knew was, I can do things with my own and I didn’t mind the help of anybody else. I’m living with my own world…I felt so unworthy…
It made me think, “It’s not the environment that could make an adjustment for me, but it’s Me who should adjust for the environment”. I realized, Being alone or feeling alone is one of the saddest places to be, the need for companionship is universal. How should I learn and enjoy the wide-world when I only limit myself in a small world. God made a way to correct my thinking, I need interaction, I need to trust and be open-minded to people esp.to my old friends who was so true to me without a doubt. I lose them because of my selfishness and because I never trust them.
God wanted me to realize that Humans are creatures of community and need each other for companionship and there is no comfort in being alone. My weaknesses in the past became my strengths in the present… I don’t want to be alone like what I did in my past, so, at this present…I’m living in a big world to enjoy, to spend the so called “Life’s purpose” with my colleagues or with my associates.

A locked world of mine became an open place. I didn’t like my attitude, so, I’ve changed it! By now, I’m happy being with friend’s even though some are far from me yet the communication is still very active.The foundation of our friendship is strong. I have the courage now to face the thrill of life with a lot of people esp.old friends and new friends.

I trust them! I need them! I make plans with them…

I can’t stand alone, I can’t be happy alone; I can’t live without others…Communication plays a big role in Existence.
“NO MAN IS AN ISLAND”.